Greetings beautiful souls and welcome back! ⭐ Welcome to our 3 new subscribers that I met at the Nashville Wellness Fest this past Saturday 😀 We are at 165 subscribers now!
The Nashville Wellness Fest was a really fun event, very busy. I met lots of new people, passed out business cards, and did oracle card readings, tarot readings, and energy healing for people. I met some other very kind business owners who were super supportive of my business and vision.
Today’s post is about 5 problematic dating patterns and what to do about them. This is inspired by my own healing journey, as well as a recent conversation with a friend who has also entered the dating arena. But this also a compilation of various people’s dating experiences that I’ve recently talked to.
This Post is For You If:
You have had some unsuccessful and unsatisfactory dating experiences
You sometimes feel better on your own and therefore remain dateless a lot
You’ve tried working on this on your own or in therapy, without much success
You’re tired of feeling uncomfortable and anxious while dating
You’re willing to gain new self-awareness tips and heal your patterns so that you can date better people!
Keep in mind, for the purposes of today we will only talk about 5 patterns. But there are probably thousands of them out there.
Why Should You Learn About Your Dating Patterns?
The patterns you see with the gender you are attracted to in dating are often mirrored from the experience you had with that same gender parent or caregiver as a child. Most of the time this is true, but not always.
When we play out these patterns, life is asking us to take a closer look and heal them. If we have no awareness that these are patterns that live inside of us, then we tend to blame the other person or find fault with them (or their entire gender), moving from dating experience to dating experience and repeating the pattern over and over again.
Learning about your dating patterns and healing them helps improve your dating experience by improving how you relate to yourself, your inner child, your parents/caregivers, and your potential dating partners.
If you don’t learn this, you’ll stay stuck in the same unsatisfying and disappointing dating cycles, only to repeat them over and over again. “And then you’ll die.” Lol. (That’s a Mean Girls reference). You won’t die, but yeah.
What Are the 5 Problematic Dating Patterns That We Are Talking About Today?
My Partner Doesn’t Pay Enough Attention to Me: this is a really common one. If you, as a child, had a parent or caregiver that was unable to be present with you, either physically or emotionally, with consistency, then it creates an abandonment wound. If you have an abandonment wound, then you have an unmet childhood need. You then look outwardly at other people to fulfill this need, which they are never going to be able to do to your liking. Either because you’re coming from a place of neediness, (and they feel forced), or because they actually are meeting you and you don’t know how to receive it. So then you are unfulfilled, and it doesn’t feel very good.
Hot and Cold: You meet someone and have a really intense experience getting to know them. You might feel really attracted to them, only to later find that they aren’t answering your messages or reaching out themselves later on. You have developed a hot and cold pattern with your primary caregivers, and it’s playing out in your dating situation. This means that your primary caregivers were unable to give you consistent, unconditional love and so you equate them sometimes being there with love. This is a really common pattern.
Push-Pull Phenomenon: Similar to above, your parents modeled love in a way that when you showed them love, they pulled away, because they didn’t know how to receive your love. Then, when they showed you love, you were hurt, and you pulled away because you weren’t taught or modeled how to receive love appropriately. So now you are in dating scenarios of the same pattern - super unfulfilling.
Feeling Better When They Are Away: This is another one where the parent or caregiver of your liking was likely either unpredictable or volatile when they were with you. When they were away, you at least knew you loved them, and that you were safe. So now you equate safe love with distance. You might attract partners who are unable to physically be with you, locationally or due to work obligations. Then this is not fulfilling because you aren’t getting what you want.
Feeling Confused or Anxious About the Relationship: This is also related to the abandonment wound. If you didn’t know what your place was in the family, or whether you belonged, it leaves an imprint of confusion on your energetic body. Then you meet partners that are confusing or turn you on because of anxiety, because of the abandonment wound and associated unmet childhood need. Love doesn’t have to be anxious or confusing, but you have equated love with this.
When we have these patterns, it’s also easy to think that the future will be better than now. For example, once we “define the relationship” it will get better, because of the appearance of future security.
That’s also another pattern, waiting or expecting love to get better in the future, perhaps because that’s what you were thinking when you were young (or that’s what your subconcsious deduced). Now we are impressing false hope onto a relationship that never got better with the person we were dating over time.
If you’re able to believe that all stages of dating can be enjoyable, relaxing, fun, and fulfilling - and that you are worthy of it - that’s your golden ticket.
How to Heal This?
I’m gonna walk you step-by-step on how to heal this.
Witness: if you are dating and finding yourself feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, or anxious, when you like someone, first just witness those feelings. Name them and allow them. What’s going on?
Examine: What is the pattern that you see? What is your dating partner doing that excites you, yet is also unfulfilling? Do you see this pattern mirrored before in your childhood? Why does it feel familiar?
Rewire your subconscious: there are many different ways to heal the subconscious. The idea is to reprogram the subconscious mind with better information so that you can feel safe.
For example, instead of expecting your partner to pay more attention to you, you could heal your childhood wounds surrounding this, and then it doesn’t matter if your partner pays attention to you or not. If they do, you’ll really appreciate it, because you can now receive it, but further, if they can’t do it, you’re now likely to attract a better partner who can pay attention to you, willingly and ably.
If you have a hot-cold or push-pull phenomenon, you can rewire the subconscious to expect love to be unconditional and consistent.
If you feel safer when a partner is far away from you, you can rewire the subconscious with messages to know that love is safe when it’s reachable and that you are worthy of this type of love.
If you feel turned on by confusion or anxiety, you can reprogram your subconscious to know that love can be calm, peaceful, and enjoyable. Or that you know where you stand and are clear about what you want, and therefore you attract partners who are clear about that too.
Feel better: After you’ve rewired your subconscious, you’ll start to feel lighter and better. You won’t feel as attracted to poor partners, and you’ll be able to attract ones that are aligned with your authentic being. Because you’ve done the work of healing and loving yourself, you can then attract partners who want to heal with and love you too.
What If You Heal Your Problematic Dating Patterns?
You will exit the world of disappointing, dead-end dating!!! You will get off the frustrating “singles hamster wheel”.
You will feel confident in your ability to love yourself and to fulfill your own needs. You’ll then attract partners who value this about you too and will meet your needs! Paradoxically, it will work! You’ll feel happy and relaxed about dating, as you should :)
Mistakes to Avoid
Not taking the time to look at your unsuccessful dating patterns will leave you feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, and like you can never do better in dating. Trust me, I’ve been there. This is the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn in my life. I can do a lot of things well, but this is the one thing that Life continues to test me on. Thankfully, when you have a desire, the universe conspires to bring it to you, even if there are tests and opportunities for healing along the way.
Not taking the time to reprogram your subconscious will also leave you continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again! It is essential that you reprogram your subconscious.
If you need help rewiring your subconscious quickly, book a session with me for coaching. My coaching includes energy healing too.
Summary
Many people do struggle with dating due to problematic love patterns from childhood. The key is to witness them, examine them, and then heal them. The more you do this, the more you get to live and believe that love is available to you (on the inside first, then the outside).
As you do this, love then gets to be unconditional, uplifting, easeful, and joyful. It can be full of laughter and support. It can be whatever you want! And you do get to have it! But it starts with recognizing what patterns you’ve been experiencing from the past and taking the steps to heal them.
You are worthy of the perfect partner of your dreams!!! You’ve got this. Book a free call with me if you want to go deeper for coaching 🙂
I’d love to know – which dating pattern resonates with you the most? Write in the comments or hit reply on your email! No shame here. I’ve probably had all of them. And I’ll write you back, I promise!
Lots of love,
Angeli
“Spiritual dating requires you both to have the ability to stay present in the moment and expand together.” ~ Amy Leigh Mercree
*PS - Will you take this poll? This will help me serve you better :)
*PPS - I am writing a book called “It Can Be Done: Learn to Create Meaningful Work You Love”! This book is a step-by-step formula that will help you create work you love and actually do it, from a place of purpose, joy, and fulfillment!
I’ve written 8 chapters so far, and am still plugging along. It’s been a joyful journey getting my work all compiled into one place and sharing the news with my people :) I hope you are as excited to read it as I am to write it :) Many blessings!!
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