Greetings beautiful soul and welcome back! ⭐
Today’s post is how to change who you are attracted to. If you have found yourself attracted to people who don’t meet your needs, this is the post for you.
This post will help you up-level your standard of dating and relationships. No more settling for unfulfilling relationships, almost relationships, situation-ships, or dead-end relationships!
For the purposes of today, I am talking to single, spiritual, and heterosexual women (hence the genders and pronouns I will refer to). If you are not any of the above, you might still find utility in what I am saying. Up to you.
This Post Is For You If:
You notice you attract men who are emotionally unavailable, emotionally immature, or don’t seem to truly fit you
You feel unfulfilled, anxious, confused, or frustrated with dating
You’ve tried working on this in therapy or on your own, without much success
You’re tired of feeling unsuccessful in dating and romance
You’re willing to learn something new in order to heal your energy and attract the right men!
Why Should I Learn to Change Who I Am Attracted To?
If you’ve been unsuccessful in dating, if you have sexual trauma, or if you’ve had abusive or unfulfilling romantic relationships, it’s worth looking at what types of men you are attracted to and learning to change that. For heterosexual women, we are attracted to who we are attracted to based on the relationship we had with our fathers as children.
In your wiring, you had these conscious and subconscious experiences as a child with your Dad (or primary love parent). This sets an energetic imprint (or multiple) that causes your subconscious to draw conclusions about what love is, based on the example you were given as a child.
As a result, the subconscious mind will seek to verify that model of love over and over again, really for healing purposes, until you break the cycle and change your wiring.
We often think we can’t change who we are attracted to, and while I’m gonna say it’s not easy, I’m here to tell you you can do it!
If you attract men who are not right for you, don’t honor you, don’t respect you, don’t revere you, don’t treat you like the princess that you are, don’t really fit you, don’t commit to you, or are emotionally unavailable, without changing your attraction point, you’ll attract the same types over and over again. Until you heal this.
You’ll find yourself in the same unsuccessful dating cycles, frustrated and exhausted by the pain. And it will be easy to exit the dating arena.
If you change who you are attracted to, you can attract a partner who treats you like an absolute Queen and Goddess, who is completely committed to you and only has eyes for you, who is your best friend and lover, who makes you laugh, who supports your dreams, who gives you words of affirmation, who spoils you with love, who makes you laugh – and anything else that your heart dreams of.
What Is Changing Who I Am Attracted To?
When you attract someone or are attracted to someone, according to the book Getting the Love You Want by Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the person you attract mirrors the best and worst qualities of your parents (among a few other things).
If you’ve had a hard time finding your soulmate, life partner, and best friend, it’s because your subconscious expects the same kind of love patterns you received as a child - the ones that didn’t meet your needs. Really for healing purposes, but as of yet, it has not been primed to truly be able to attract a love that you desire easily and effortlessly.
Remember “Glen” from this post? His name is Ben btw. While he is a good friend, and has so many great qualities, (he’s such a step up from men I’ve known the past!) he is also somewhat emotionally and physically unavailable (works way too much), and he gives breadcrumbs (he says we will hang out but he never makes a plan). I know he likes me, but he’s never said one emotionally mature thing about it.
Anyways, sorry to rant. Within those interactions are energetic imprints that say that love is unavailable (because my Dad was), love can’t be generous, or love has to be with a spiritually or emotionally immature person. (There are actually a million more imprints I’ve found, but I can’t remember them all now).
A lot of spiritual women feel angry at their partners for not doing the inner work. Or angry at the men they attract for not doing the inner work. I’ve had a realization that we are not actually angry at our partners - we are angry at our Dads. How many of you had an emotionally mature, self-regulated, introspective Dad with a spiritual or self-care practice who didn’t have anger issues or addiction?
Probably not most of us (not to shame Dads, times were different back then, and perhaps the gift is the spiritual lesson I’m talking about now).
Healing that energetic imprint from childhood with your Dad, and then rewiring your inner child to expect the love that she wanted to now be from you, giving it to yourself as an adult, and then expecting it from others - that’s the ticket to changing who you are attracted to.
How to Change Who You Attract and Are Attracted To
I’m gonna walk you step-by-step through how to change who you attract and are attracted to. Remember, if you don’t find safe, stable, committed, spiritually mature, harmonious, deep, best friend & lover type of love attractive (and not just on an intellectual level - I mean if you’re not truly turned on by this) - you’ll never get off the singles hamster wheel.
So here we go.
Acknowledge the energetic imprint: Something about the unsatisfactory interactions you are having with men mirrors the same patterns you experienced in childhood. Naming when something feels off helps to bring awareness to it. An example is: “love has to be with an emotionally immature person.”
Settle the feelings your inner child has in relation to these imprints: they might feel sadness, shame, anger, rage, disappointment, jealousy, sorrow, or anything else that comes up for you! These are repressed feelings that need to be felt and released!
Clear out the old pattern and rewire with a new one: this is between you and your inner child. You have to be the love that they wanted but didn’t get. It has to now be safe and familiar to them to get that kind of love from you, so that their needs are met and they expect it now. Example: “I am the emotionally mature partner and parent to my inner child.”
Give the new pattern to yourself: All the love you are looking for is actually within you. Healing the old pattern opens up space for you to access your own love better. Establishing this new pattern with yourself makes it safe and familiar for you, and it gives you a new attraction point for new and mature partners. Example: “I am the emotionally mature partner to myself”
Rewire the new pattern to be safe and familiar with men or dating partners: Your nervous system needs this to be safe and familiar with the people you date, otherwise you’ll still fall back into old patterns with the same types of people. While you are at it, clear out any attachments to anyone with an old pattern. Bonus if you forgive your Dad. Examples: “I am now attracted to and attract emotionally mature dating partners (or men).” Or “It is safe and familiar to be attracted to and to attract emotionally mature men.”
You might have to go back through these steps a bunch of times to heal each energetic imprint. That’s normal.
What If You Change Who You Are Attracted To?
You get to invite the best kind of love into your life - the one that satisfies you on all levels. Your inner child gets to feel happy and secure, and so do you! Then you attract partners who are happy and secure, who are unafraid to ask you out on dates, who follow through with plans, and who are compatible with you.
Gone are the days of feeling frustrated, getting breadcrumbs, and attaching to emotionally unavailable people.
Doesn’t that sound amazing???
Mistakes to Avoid:
Expecting your attraction point to change without doing the inner work: you’ll stay stuck in the same unsatisfying love patterns, cursing love, and feeling like you’ll never get this right! Trust me, I’ve been there!
Continuing to date or attach to the same types of people: really look at what their negative qualities are showing you. What energetic imprint is that? How can you rewire it?
Expecting your dating partners to change: on some level, we all hoped our Dads would change for the better, and we bring that energy into dating too. Change yourself on the inside, forgive your Dads, and then watch better partners attract to you!
Accepting dating partners who are unworthy of you: On some level, we really thought our Dads were not worthy of us (weird but true!). Give yourself and your inner child the princess treatment, and expect the same from the men you date!
Summary
I hope this post is a good guide for single, spiritual, and heterosexual women looking to find and attract true love!
You are worthy of sitting back in your glorious feminine Aphrodite energy, watching spiritually mature and single men come up to you, ask you out on dates, treat you like the princess that you are, and continue to date you. Men who are looking for the same thing as you - commitment and a happy marriage!
Do you enjoy content like this? Write in the comments and I’ll continue creating content about relationships :)
And if you need any more personalized help with this, book a free call for coaching.
Lots of love,
Angeli
“Women want to attract a high-value man. If that’s the man you want to attract, you have to be high value yourself.” ~ Matthew Hussey
*PS - Mark your calendars for May 12th, 2025 when my book: It Can Be Done: Learn to Create Meaningful Work You Love is released! This newsletter group gets a discount, so please share this newsletter with anyone you know who is trying to ditch burnout, find their purpose, and create a soul-led career 🙂
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