Venting vs. Dumping: What's the Difference?
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I came across the concept of venting vs. dumping in the book, The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff. (If you are an empath, I highly recommend this book. It was like reading the blueprint to my soul.)
Empaths are deep-feeling beings who are highly sensitive and have sponge-like auras. Which means we tend to feel others’ pain like it’s our own, and without awareness, can absorb others’ energy quite easily.
Because of our high emotional intelligence, empaths naturally draw in people who want to share their feelings with us. People tend to trust us and are soothed by our empathic listening. But the shadow side to this is that we can become overwhelmed by the amount of problems/negative energy that is being shared with us.
As people share their issues, they can take the path of venting or emotional dumping.
Dr. Orloff describes the difference between venting and dumping very eloquently in her book. I wanted to review this today.
Venting Looks Like This:
Sticking to one topic
Not blaming
Not falling into victim mode
Being accountable for their part
Time limited
Open to solutions
Dumping Looks Like This:
Many issues at one time
Rehashing the same points over and over
Blaming others
Playing the victim
No accountability for their part
Not open to solutions
Unaware of the emotional states of self and receiver
I previously thought that venting and dumping were actually the same thing, so it was new information for me to consider them as separate phenomena. This helped me soften my relationship with venting and have more compassion for it.
Like Dr. Orloff mentions, venting can actually be healthy and helpful, whereas dumping is usually harmful and intrusive.
Dumping feels like emotional overload, especially if you are a highly sensitive person such as an empath.
The intention behind both of these, though, is starkly different. With venting, people are emotionally aware and open to solutions, but with dumping, people are locked into tunnel vision, and they are not willing to hear or consider an alternative point of view.
Dumping is usually unintentional. Most of the time people are unaware that they are doing it and how much it affects other people.
Let’s review some healthy ways to counter emotional dumping.
Say Something!!! It only occurred to me fairly recently that I am allowed to say something! When I say something, it creates a boundary and informs others of what my limit is. Some people may not directly relate to the empath experience, therefore, they may not understand how deeply you are feeling what they are passing onto you, unless you say something.
If you are feeling comfortable, you may consider saying something in the moment such as this, “this conversation is getting really heavy for me, can we please change the subject?”
I used this once with a friend and will say it was received really well. Rather than going home and taking hours to recover from the negative interaction (typical for us empaths!), stating how I felt immediately helped return the negative energy back to the sender.
Excuse Yourself from the Conversation: If you are not comfortable saying something in the moment, and you’ve reached your emotional max, consider excusing yourself from the conversation completely. That is perfectly acceptable, your energy is your most precious resource.
You can use these techniques (here) to energetically disconnect from the conversation. While apart, you can consider checking in with yourself and seeing if a conversation about what happened is necessary at a later time. Your intuition will know what’s best.
Evaluate the Relationship: Our most solid relationships can likely endure the weather of an occasional accidental negative energy exchange without too much of an interference. However, if it’s a pattern, the continual burden of dumping can simply outweigh what is manageable for you.
If you find yourself feeling constantly drained when you talk to this person, it might be time to consider releasing the relationship, or at least taking a break.
The best relationships are built on a sense of mutuality, and if there is an energetic imbalance due to one person taking up more space than the other, it leaves the other person feeling exhausted, unheard, and frustrated.
In the same vein, it may introduce an opportunity for the dumper to find healthier ways to process their emotions, such as with a therapist or other professional.
We All Unload At One Time or Another
We’re all human and we all have blind spots. Before I picked up meditation and learned how to emotionally self-regulate, I used to be that person who would call anyone that listened to list all of my worries and problems! I would dump on other people without even realizing it.
I learned that it does affect other people and made a commitment to myself to do better, so that I could foster and maintain better relationships!
This doesn’t mean we can’t ever share our pains, but we can do so more in a more mindful and contained manner, accepting responsibility for the situations we are in, being open to solutions, and feeling and healing our own pain.
The more we address our own emotional needs, the less we would feel the need to emotionally dump on others. I’ve said this time and time again, but we are responsible for our own emotional hygiene. Rather than perpetuate the chains of our trauma onto other people, we take the onus of feeling our feelings and past pains, and transmuting them into spiritual gold.
I hope this article was relatable and helpful for you!
Have a wildly incredible week!
Love,
Angeli
“Learning to deal with uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings is an important aspect of maturity.” - Laura Schlessinger
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