Silence As An Ally In Social Situations

Phillip Island, Australia

Greetings everyone and welcome back! :)

I recently finished reading this book, You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy. In it, she writes about the undervalued skill of listening, something we can all work on in our fast-paced and technologically-based world.

Specifically, one of her chapters is about silence, and that is what today’s post will be about.

I believe most of us reading this newsletter so far are based in the US or the Western hemisphere. Our culture here tends to shy away from “awkward pauses” (or run away as fast as we can!) We think we need to fill gaps in conversation with more words and quick thoughts, or otherwise it’s considered a social faux pas.

I know in my own journey, I was not always comfortable with those long pauses. It wasn’t until I started meditating that I started to develop a different relationship with silence. Meditation allows you to devote time to connecting to yourself and just be. In doing so, you start to feel more at ease with the way you are and how your mind works, as well as with silence.

The Benefits of Silence in Social Situations

Silence can afford us a few opportunities in social situations:

• We let other people finish their thoughts and hash out their emotions fully - which btw, is a hot commodity and something most of us didn’t receive as young people!

• We allow other people to draw their own conclusions (or even have a-ha moments on their own!)

• Feeling heard is one of the greatest feelings in the world, a gift we can offer others

• We can check in with ourselves - what do we need right now?

• We can return to the present moment - very comforting!

• We can check in with our own feelings

• We can check out the vibes of the people who are surrounding us

Recently, I spent 12 days in Melbourne, Australia visiting my family and attending my cousin’s wedding. There were lots of family functions and events related to the wedding. 

Here were some things I was able to notice during moments of silence:

Example #1: My Grandma

My grandma is 89 years old, and given that she lives in Australia, I don’t get to see her that often. The last time I saw her was 2014. She is a soft-spoken and very sweet person. At large family gatherings, her voice gets drowned out and you really have to lean in to hear her. During our pauses in conversations, I can feel the love that she has for me, a really sweet feeling :)

Example #2: My Sister-In-Law

I think it’s safe to say that both my SIL and I are introverts. Which means we relish quiet time and time alone. When we would relax in the rental apartment together, we often both took out our books to read (which I love!) I actually wrote this post (ego vs. soul manifestations) in the same room as her.  I love that she saw I was in the zone while I wrote it. Afterwards, we went out for coffee and tea :)

Example #3: The Wedding

A loud and boisterous event, wedding celebrations can be lots of fun but definite sensory overload, especially if you’re an introvert and an empath.  While sitting and eating, I could sense how happy the bride (my cousin) was to get married to her partner.

I could also tell that she was happy that some of her cousins could be seated at the tall table with her. All of this was non-verbal, but when I slowed down to pause, that’s what I gathered.

Comfortable Silence Can be a Sign of a Secure Relationship

Think of any close friend you have whose couch you’ve fallen asleep on and vice versa. The friends you can be silent around are probably your most solid friendships. There is a sense of ease within each person for you both to be that comfortable with each other.

Conclusion

Sometimes we think we need to jump in and break the silence because we think those silent breaks are unbearable. We may even think we are not bonding with someone when we are not talking, but that’s just plain untrue. 

There’s a lot you can take away from simply being present with others.

Plus, if you’re an introvert, you can at least take that few second break during a conversational pause to recharge. You can breathe into your body and see what you want to do next. Perhaps a few minutes outside to think?

So I invite you to ask yourself, how comfortable am I with silence? Do I feel like I need to break the silence in social situations? Am I doing this to make others feel comfortable or because I really want to?

Y’all have an abundant week!

Love,

Angeli

“The quieter you become the more you are able to hear.” ~ Rumi