Self-Compassion Is An Ongoing Practice
Greetings everyone! and Welcome back :)
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-compassion, something I believe many of us were not taught to do as children. In a previous post, I told the story of how I moved to Delaware, based on perceived external expectations instead of my own inner guidance.
I used to be extremely hard on myself. Perfectionisty, self-critical, and honestly, mean. So when I moved to Delaware, of course my habits persisted. I continued to beat myself up (in my head) really badly.
A lot of our internal dialogue comes from the way we grew up and the culture(s) were were exposed to. If we heard a lot of criticism from our parents as children, naturally we would internalize that (we also have to remember that that is what they were also exposed to as children).
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say many of us didn’t hear our parents or other supportive caretakers repeating positive affirmations to themselves either, lol.
As such, we didn’t learn how to positive self-talk. But the thing is, it’s really hard to change your ingrained habits if you haven’t established your conscious awareness first. Consciousness is the awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and habits. And consciousness is the first step towards positive change.
How do we increase our consciousness? We have to learn to observe our thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and habits mindfully, meaning, with compassion and without self-judgement. Self-witnessing increases our self-awareness.
How does awareness lead to change? Awareness brings about clarity. From there, you can choose a new response (with compassion) over old patterns/reactivity.
Mindfulness meditation was my first exposure at witnessing my thoughts. I noticed how really negative they were at the time. With time and practice, I learned to let them go by watching them pass by like clouds in the sky.
In that way, I started to feel more positive. It helped me to see I am more than my thoughts. But sometimes I can still hear my inner mean girl coming up. So I continue to practice my own conscious awareness.
5 Ways to Practice Conscious Awareness (Adapted from How To Meet Yourself by Dr. Nicole LePera)
Notice your thoughts: take stock of your thoughts at various points throughout the day. What are they doing? Where are they going? How do they make you feel?
Notice your feelings: It’s always helpful to be in contact with your feelings throughout the day. Because they matter. They are also your attraction point. But more importantly, knowing how you feel can help you identify what you need.
Notice your body: what are the sensations you feel in your body? When do you feel you need to take a walk? Or stretch out? What does your body feel like when you are stressed? Do you clench your jaw or tighten your shoulders?
Notice your breath: one of my favorite practices is a quick check-in with the breath. The breath is a telltale indicator of what is going on for you emotionally. Is it fast or slow? Short or long? Do you hold your breath under times of stress?
Practice mindful listening: practice being an active listener when in conversation, non-judgmentally and with compassion and kindness. What types of topics make your mind wander?
All of these can be accomplished in one daily meditation, but you will find it’s helpful to intermittently practice these throughout the day.
As you continue to practice, you may notice yourself “savoring” each moment. When we savor, we extract the purest sense of joy from that moment. This can be reflected when spending times in nature, eating food, listening to music, dancing, or anything else that we are doing.
But the main thing is, surrendering when you notice yourself judging or criticizing yourself. You can let those thoughts go, and further, you can forgive yourself. You may even elect to choose a more positive thought about yourself (which is likely the Truth, anyways).
3 Steps to Self-Compassion
Practice conscious awareness (as above)
Forgive yourself for having the thought (if negative)
Choose another better-feeling thought that affirms yourself
Self-Compassion Means Acceptance of Yourself & Others
The best part of learning to practice self-compassion is that you are able to accept yourself in your totality. Many of us have stuffed down the parts of ourselves that were rejected when we were young. We might be ashamed of these parts. Or maybe we’re not consciously aware of them (yet).
Often, my mind jumps back to the past to mistakes I’ve made from when I was younger. I can now look back at those times through the eyes of self-compassion.
Because I could only do as well as my conscious awareness allowed.
And that’s true for other people as well. People can only do as best as their conscious awareness allows. That applies to anyone you know.
When you realize this, it offers a space to forgive other people and accept them as they are or were, instead of fighting to change them with your mind.
Conclusion
We are all part of the same Love matrix. We are One consciousness. And we are all human and apt to err. We can always learn something new, forgive ourselves for the past, and do better for next time.
But we can’t change what we do unless we practice conscious awareness first, and in turn, self-compassion.
I hope you enjoyed this post! I’d love to hear how this makes you feel. I read and respond to every comment :)
Wishing you a safe, peaceful, and joyous week!
Love,
Angeli
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” - Jack Kornfield
ANNOUNCEMENT!!
I am giving my FIRST ever in-person workshop at Make Nashville in East Nashville! This 2-part workshop is called Manifest Your Dream Reality: A Workshop on the Law of Attraction and will be broken down into sections (love & relationships, health, and money & career) to help you attract the life of your dreams! DATES TBA - will include the link after it’s posted :) Please keep an eye out for updates in future emails!
I will love to see you all there!!! This is going to be a great workshop!!! It is my ultimate joy to see you prosper :) Thanks everyone for loving and trusting me to guide you through your own spiritual growth path! ~Angeli
Loved this post, self- compassion is so necessary in our daily lives. Also love Jack Kornfield☺️