On Learning How to Receive

Greetings everyone and welcome back! 🙂

Today we are going to talk about learning how to receive, something I’ve been working on these past few months, especially after having left my job last September!

When we were growing up in the world, we often had to attune ourselves to the needs of others, in order to gain approval or feel safe. This made us really perceptive, but often at the cost of our own needs.

When you continually give in relationships, without receiving, your relationships actually suffer. Because you aren’t getting your needs met, and there’s a lack of mutuality going on in your relationships. It’s actually a really frustrating phenomenon. I know this, because I’ve been there.

Receiving is an art, and learning to receive is a practice.

Learning How to Receive

I’ve found that receiving often goes back to your self-worth. I grew up with really low self-worth; it’s something I’ve been working on these past few years.  For some of us, our worth can really be placed in how much we are giving, since that helped us to survive or receive approval.  But it’s not a sustainable way of being.

The first time I really noticed how little I was receiving was when I moved from Portland, OR to Wilmington, DE for a relationship that didn’t even survive my move-in date.  I was so attuned to what I thought was expected from me, that I never tuned into what I really wanted. 

It’s not fun to live that way, going against the grain of your soul’s wishes.

Since then, and much more recently, I’ve realized that learning how to receive requires a new way of being.

Receiving Compliments

One of the simplest tests of whether you can receive something is when someone compliments you. Do you deflect the compliment, compliment them back quickly, or diminish the compliment that was given to you in some way?

Like, “oh my baking is not that good”, or “oh that was just easy because…” or “you are also a really good (insert something here)”. I read this in You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.

She says, if you can’t receive compliments, how can you receive money?  I read this right when I was about to leave my job, I was like wow that’s so true.  

So I’ve been making it a point that when anybody compliments me, I just say thank you. I don’t explain it away, I don’t give it back, I don’t minimize it. It just is, and I’ll receive it 🙂

Receiving Money

I used to think I was good at receiving money. I used to make six-figures at the VA (Veterans Affairs). I liked my salary a lot. I never really felt I was underpaid, until the pandemic hit, lol. That was a lot for healthcare workers…

But since I left the VA, I’ve had to rest a ton, because I was recovering from burnout. And I’ve had to separate my ability to work from my worth. Because I used to put a lot of my self-worth into work (aka, something outside of me).  It was something I always felt “successful” at.

But now, I’m building a whole new persona, version of me, and way that I give to people. This new way of giving means I am taking care of my needs and desires first.  And building new things takes time. 

But sometimes I’ve felt guilty when I’ve charged for things.  And that comes back to self-worth.

Why should I feel guilty? Aren’t teaching, writing, and healing valuable services? Don’t we need this in the world?  Would we expect a food truck to give us food for free, just because? Or a pastry shop? So why these services?

I didn’t make the rules, that money gives us sustenance. We need sustenance to live.  So I’ve had to really accept that my services and offerings are worth every penny that I ask for.  And that there’s no “right price”. It’s just the one that feels right for you.  

Someone might be waiting for someone like me (or you) to come out with that very thing they were asking the universe for.  We’re all interconnected, so it’s probably true.

Receiving Gifts

When we received gifts as a younger person, we might have been taught to “return the favor” immediately. But I feel like if you have a low perceived sense of worthiness, that can be kind of a reflex. Your ability to receive is based on how worthy or deserving you feel you are of that gift. Especially if it’s for no apparent “reason”.

It almost disturbs the original intention of the giver if you try to “give back” out of reactivity, versus intentionality. I’ve definitely done that before.

Nowadays, I really just try to say thank you, knowing I may not be able to return the favor right away, but in due time and divine timing. I just try to trust that that’s the truth and really honor the intention of anyone who has paid for a meal, a movie ticket, a gift, or something else that was given to me by saying thank you and receiving it.

The Highest Form of Receiving is Giving

It’s taken me a long time to understand this one. But I finally am understanding that if you want to build a high-vibe career, you have to be able to give in a way that nourishes you, spiritually.  Because in giving to others you are giving back to yourself. But you have to be able to receive in order to give!

So giving and receiving are related, but preferably not in a low-vibrational way where you abandon your needs, self-care, freedom, or happiness to service others. Or “push yourself” to get it done. Similarly, you’re not needing to “dim your light”  just in order to give. In fact, you’d shine a little more because it’s your goddamn birthright, your passion, and because people respect and need it. And good on you!!

Learning How to Receive is a Process

I think women can especially relate to this. We were bred to be caregivers, and for some of us, it’s not even our true nature.  But we can also stand to receive because it’s the nature of feminine energy. We need both the yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) in full balance. Even in tantric sex, women are supposed to receive.

Conclusion

Receiving is a practice, one that I believe can deepen with enough repetitions. And then when you do it over and over, you start to see that your relationships shift into more of a sense of mutuality. Which means that you get taken care of, too.  And doesn’t that sound nice for a change?

Do you struggle with receiving? How can you receive more?

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful weekend!

Love,

Angeli

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.” ~ Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

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