Learning to Trust in Life

Cats think I'm delirious but I'm so damn serious

Evening stroll with Rocco baby 🐶

Many of you have been wondering about how I’ve been doing since I quit my job on September 30th, 2022.

Today we’re gonna talk about it 🙂  

What I’ve been thinking a lot about since I left the workforce is about my feelings.  Most of the time, I’m happy and joyous. I love the freedom and flexibility I have now. My days start with intentionality, gratitude, Rocco walks & runs, and my spiritual practice.  

The middle of my days vary, sometimes I write, sometimes I tweet. Sometimes I do a house project. 

And then the afternoons are filled with a nap followed by reading a spiritual book (preferably outside if the weather permits).

There are a few times where I feel a bit nervous, unsteady, anxious, or unsafe. And I wanted to give you a few examples. Those are the times where I learn the most about trusting in life.

Panic

I have a few family members subscribed to my newsletter. Naturally, they started talking about me quitting healthcare amongst themselves. If you have been following along, previously I mentioned that I haven’t told my parents yet that I quit my job.

Why? I am a child of immigrants. Safety, security, and steady income are the hallmark goals of an immigrant family. For themselves and for their children. I know that when I tell them, it may rock their worlds. And I want to make sure I feel steady in my own feelings before I reveal the news to them.

My parents are extremely loving and supportive people. I have no doubt that they will still choose to love and support me. And I do believe that they trust me. Because I trust myself.

This is more about me feeling ready to tell them than anything else. But if you know my extended family at all, and I say this lovingly, we are not good at keeping secrets.

I’d say our chances of carrying out a surprise, without someone revealing the surprise to the recipient, might be 50% at best. I love us, but it’s the truth (lol).

So my panic came from family members potentially telling my parents before I did. Then I felt panicked to tell my parents first - that way they could hear it from me. But by doing so, that would be setting a fear-based intention, remember? We want to avoid that.

After mulling over this dilemma, ultimately, I was able to settle myself down and realize that I choose to stay aligned with my Highest Self, which means waiting to tell them until I feel aligned enough to tell them. That is what feels right to me. Period.

Shame

A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling a little frustrated that my newsletter was growing quite slowly in terms of readership. So I meditated on what to do, and felt intuitively called to post on Facebook. For those of you that don’t know, I haven’t posted on Facebook in about 5 years. I will randomly log in to accept new friend requests, and that’s about it.

When I posted on Facebook about my newsletter, I knew that people I went to school with would see it. I actually felt ashamed that some old classmates might flip through and see I quit my job. I felt ashamed for not staying at work and “making it work”. I know that runs counter to what my belly (gut) was telling me, but my feelings were saying otherwise that day.

The same day, Gabby Bernstein released a podcast on abundance. She talked about how when we reach blocks in our career or otherwise, it’s because we aren’t asking for what we want or trusting that we can receive it.

My mantra that day became, “I believe I can receive more”. And my readership has more than doubled since I left work (up to 62 now!) Ayyy.

A Song of Support

The day after I posted on Facebook about my newsletter, a song dropped into my head. It was an old Kanye song called, “Never Let Me Down”. 

I decided to play it on my phone. I had not ever listened that closely to the lyrics before, but the 3rd verse by J. Ivy really struck me:

“We are all here for a reason on a particular path

You don't need a curriculum to know that you a part of the math

Cats think I'm delirious but I'm so damn serious

That's why I expose my soul to the globe, the world

I'm trying to make it better for these little boys and girls

I'm not just another individual

My spirit is a part of this that's why I get spiritual”

I was like, wow. I really needed to hear that.

He goes on to say he is a “heaven-sent instrument”. 

I really believe that we are all heaven-sent instruments, sent here to make the world better by using our innate gifts. And we have to trust ourselves in order to get to where we want.

Right as I was settling down my feelings, I received this song as the perfect reminder to trust in the universe.

It made me realize…

Every worry or feeling of disconnection is an opportunity to return back to the present moment for our Truth. We are all being supported and guided. We have to surrender in order to see this.

With every nervous feeling I settle, I feel more connected and aligned with my Highest Self. She’s the one with the vision. I’m just following instructions.

Have you noticed any messages or synchronicities lately that reminded you to trust? Write in the comments, I’ll love to hear from you! 🙂

Lots of love,

Angeli

“Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.” ~ Natalie Goldberg

PS - Happy belated birthday to my dear friend, Lisa <3