How to Identify and Heal Your Triggers
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I’m feeling called to talk about triggers, because this is a really important part of spiritual growth.
There’s a lot to learn from being triggered. Unfortunately, without awareness, we can easily play the victim and blame others for our pain. But with awareness, we can transmute our pain and step even more into our power.
After you heal a trigger, you become a stronger, more whole and loving version of yourself. It’s worth looking into.
But first… A Brief Story
This happened recently. I was asked by a neighbor to do a favor for her while she left town. Unfortunately, everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong, which means the job ended up being more work than anticipated.
I call events like these karmic events, because these are the situations we can learn the most from. After my neighbor returned, I decided to confront her about the work that I did and ask for compensation to offset the time and energy spent assisting her.
However, my neighbor reacted by blaming me and calling me “manipulative”. Even though I had helped her do something, she did not acknowledge even that. Long story short, she didn’t want to pay.
How to Know You Are Triggered
Feeling triggered means having a really strong reaction to a situation. Usually when we are outraged, or extremely anxious, that means we are being triggered.
Underneath every trigger is a feeling, and beneath every feeling is a fear. Sometimes one trigger can carry multiple fears, and most triggers are related to a past event.
What To Do When Feeling Triggered
I recommend asking yourself four questions (adapted from the book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukav).
What am I feeling?
Where in my body do I feel this?
What are my fears related to this situation?
When did I feel like this in the past?
What Were My Triggers? How Did I Feel?
On the surface, I felt a lot of anger and rage.
I felt helpless and controlled and unheard by my neighbor.
But deeper down, I felt manipulated, abused, stuck, and also made to be wrong. These were my triggers.
Where Did I Feel This In My Body?
In my body, I felt this in my throat chakra and solar plexus. When you drop into your body, you can get really present with your feelings.
When Did I Feel Like This Before?
This brought me back to my teenage years.
When I was 13, I accidentally put in the wrong directions to my soccer game on Mapquest (back then, there was no live GPS). My dad drove me around but we couldn’t find the location of my game. We ended up missing the game.
Afterwards at home, he screamed at me for making the mistake. We both ended up in a screaming match. I left the house running (barefoot) and my dad had to drive after me. My dad ignored me for weeks, and when he finally wasn’t angry, he acted like nothing happened. No discussion, no apologies, no reconciliation.
Can you see the pattern here? Emotionally cold, punishing. Made to be wrong.
Making the Connection to the Present
I made mistakes in the story with my neighbor too. I could have communicated better.
We all make mistakes, and the best we can hope for is compassion and kindness and to do better for next time. But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’ll be made to feel extra wrong.
However, not healing this painful pattern means it will occur again and again in the future. And since I want to only improve my relationships and relational interactions, to me it is worth healing this.
How to Heal Your Triggers
You have to feel your feelings. Generally feeling triggered means something wasn’t felt in its entirety in the past.
Step 1 usually includes telling your story, either to trusted friends or to your journal or therapist.
Step 2 means feeling your feelings. Sometimes you need to act these feelings out by moving your body (like running, punching pillows, etc.) Sometimes you might need to scream into a pillow. No judgment, as long as it’s not harming others.
But actually feeling my feelings meant getting still enough to feel my feelings in their entirety. The crescendos, diminuendos, and the like.
My Realizations
I feel my soul called me to say yes to this experience so that I could heal this inner resentment towards the wounded masculine. Even though it hurt like hell to deal with the neighbor and relive the past, ultimately it was what I needed to grow.
I know what my boundaries are for the future. I’ve released a relationship that was no longer serving me. I’ve also realized that my dad is just like any other human — he has sustained a lot of trauma in his own life too.
Conclusion
When you heal your triggers, you are less triggered, period. Which means either this situation won’t show up again in your field in the future, or if it were to, you wouldn’t feel triggered at all. This means you hold the power to heal and transcend.
When we don’t heal our triggers, we stay a victim and blame the other person for our sorrows. This keeps us stuck in the same painful patterns.
If we look inside ourselves, we can see the earlier version of us who needed the love that they didn’t get. This is our opportunity to love ourselves a bit more.
Further, the onus is not on having others act in a pleasing way to you. The onus is on you to heal yourself and become even more empowered.
So next time you get triggered, I encourage you to do the work of healing it. It will help you move past your blocks and fears to help you manifest the life of your dreams.
Y’all have an incredible week!
Love,
Angeli
“Avoiding your triggers isn’t healing. Healing happens when you’re able to move through the pain, the pattern, and the story, and walk your way to a different ending.” - Vienna Pharaon